Tiffy's Mysterious Muffin and Sharon's Cornhole

Hey Toots!

It’s Tiffy here, and…Oh…My…God…I am a total wreak! I don’t how to begin. My heart is racing. Remember a few days ago when Dandy and I shared that moment….ya know, me crying like a baby and Sharon’s “penis?” Well, if you don’t, then read about it. That nice Michael posted it for me a few days ago. Really, he is a doll, and so talented and handsome, even though he’s packing on a few pounds. Well, who isn’t it during this plague? Oh yeah, Miss Lizzie dropped a little weight…and now she’s lording it over everyone, especially Michael, who SHE MADE CRY! The dumb lug. I mean sometimes she really gets on my tits. I mean what does she do all day, shed, sleep and eat…and she’s STILL LOSES WEIGHT?! And she’s living with those nice Gay boys in ass-less chaps, and they treat her like and QUEEN?! I MEAN THE NERVE OF HER!!

Sorry, I got so rattled; where was I? Oh, yeah, since that morning, I have been purposely avoiding Dandy’s cuz I just didn’t know what to say to him….and I was afraid I was gonna do something real stupid. Oh, cut the crap…I was scared! Scared that he didn’t mean it. Scared that maybe I wasn’t the only cupcake in his life. So, Tiffy, got cold feet. I never felt like at before. Augh! Is this what it means to be in…love? It’s awful! But if I DIDN’T stop by the shop would he think that I don’t like him no more? But what if I DID stop by and he acts like nothing happened?! I didn’t know what to do!

I ran next door to see Sharon. Yeah, I know….but her vocabulary is improving; yesterday she blurted out “cornhole.” I still can’t tell whether it’s Tourette’s or not. But wouldn’t you know, her hateful nurse, Regina, tried to stop me…..saying that Sharon was busy. And I told her, “No, she isn’t! I can see her right there watching television! Is this what you do with her all day…just prop her up in front of the television? She’s a person, not some plant that you can just ignore…SHE’S MY FRIEND! THERE’S A LIVING BREATHING PERSON HIDING IN THERE! AND SHE’S DOESN’T NEED TO BE SITTING AROUND ALL DAY WATCHING LET’S FUCKING MAKE A DEAL!!!

Now, Sharon’s bouncing up and down in her chair, and waving at me making soft cooing sounds. Damn, I just wanna cry…she’s trying so hard to talk, and she’s knows she can’t. But she keeps trying, and to me that is a sign of bravery! So, Regina let me in…..and I sat down and told Sharon everything. And she’s nodding her head, and she’s trying to talk to me with her eyes. And Let’s Make a Deal is still blaring on the television, and I feel lost. And Sharon, pulls me into her and slowly pulls the hair away from my ear, and kisses me on the cheek, and I felt clean and pure…and strong. And she faces me and says ever so quietly “F-R-I-E-N-D.” Just then somebody just won a trip to the Bahamas. But I felt like I had won. So, I gave Sharon a big long hug, and left….but not before having a few choice words with Nurse “Vagina. “ Yeah, I am definitely going to see about having Sharon move in with me. She’s my best friend.

And I’m walking back to my condo, and I see something on the floor right by the door. And I think I’m starting to recognize what it might be…but I don’t want to look at it, because I’m afraid that I might be wrong. And I’m slowly walking with my eyes closed…one step…two steps….three steps…and I take a huge breath and I slowly open my eyes. And there it is…

…a huge unfrosted chocolate cupcake on a white saucer with a red rose!!

And I just stare at it, unable to move…and my heart is beating a hundred miles a minute…and I slowly reach down to pick up the saucer and suddenly there’s the aroma of chocolate and roses. My mouth and my eyes water. And I slowly look around. There’s nobody there….just the glaring sound of Let’s Make a Deal, and the traffic on the street and the thumping of my heart. And somewhere far away I hear a piano being played, and the song is something old-fashioned and silly. And the stars are shining and the moon is glowing…and, dammit, I falling….and I’m FALLING HARD!