Out of the Blue!

Wow, I wrote the following words yesterday. I was really in a dark place.

Here’s the skinny, my lovelies; I have nothing to say to you. I suppose if you are reading these words, then I managed to compose something to post today. Although at this point, I don’t know what it might be. So, let’s see where we are heading.

Well, I’ve deleted the beginnings of this paragraph twice…but I’m determined to see this version through. As a person, I’m really very hard on myself. I have a very strong work ethic, and I know if I don’t post something today, I’ll probably feel very guilty and disappointed in myself. Yes, I am very hard on myself….anyone who has rehearsed a play with me has witness how frustrated I can become with myself. I’m a Virgo and tend to be a perfectionist. In fact I know that I am my own worst critic.

Oh my, this blog entry isn’t going where I wanted it to go. But it’s time I laid my cards on the table. I’m experiencing a funk right now. And I don’t really have much to say to divert or distract either one of us. So, maybe you might want to check in tomorrow to see if I have anything more entertaining or diverting. This entry might be a bit to serious, and Lord knows, the world is much too serious and stressful right now.

I’ll try to change the subject and tone…

Nope, I’m coming up empty.

This morning was much better. I enjoyed to cup of coffee creamer flavored with a splash of coffee. Lizzie jumped on my lap, instantly covering my Marina Mac t-shirt with dog hair. Poor Marina looked an escapee from the movie version of CATS.

Anyway, if I can be honest, I had a number of blue days. I stopped my diet (I know, I know), I was feeling depressed and exhausted. And then, I had a huge realization; I was in a dysfunctional relationship. The other person was always saying things to purposely upset or demoralize me.

Now, hold on everyone (including The Hubby who I discovered reads my blog) I’m not talking about The Hubby! No, not at all – although he does think my grammar needs improvement. (Sigh).

No, there’s another person, a person who seems to relish in my depression and despair. Someone who lives for controversy, a die-in-the wool shit-stirrer. A person who stands to gain by keeping me upset and downtrodden. I’m in an abusive dysfunctional relationship with the current occupant, for worse or worser, of The White House. And I’m sure he derives some sadistic pleasure from that. Once I realized that, I immediately felt better because I regained some control over myself. He had “played me.”, and I had allowed him to trigger me.

Sorry folks, I let some politics slip in. But dammit, here we are coping with a pandemic, forest fires, hurricanes, the replacement of a SCOTUS judge…and all of them have become political. And you will note, that I haven’t critiqued than man’s political stances. I only described my emotional and mental reactions to him. So, if there happen to be any Trump supporters out there – and I know there are some in my family – take note: I haven’t trashed his politics. I just think he’s a disgusting human. :)

So tomorrow, I’ll start fresh! Diet and everything! I could’ve started this morning, but that buttered asiago cheese bagel was my undoing.

So live, laugh, love and don’t let anyone pull your strings!