Navigating the Doldrums...

I try not to get political, but certain people tempted fate by downplaying the virus, and it finally caught up with them, literally! Enough said. Strangely enough, I’m not experiencing Schadenfreude, the joy over the misfortune of others. I’m just kinda numb. This past year has been so challenging to me to navigate, while retaining my sanity. I really am surprised and proud of myself that I haven’t developed an ulcer. Also, several people I know have recently lost loved ones…and it’s made me a bit more empathetic towards the troubles of others. But my sympathies only gravitate to those closest to me. I guess my empathy has its limits. And that troubles me. Or maybe, I’m just too damn exhausted from 2020. Believe me, this year will go down in the history books as an unprecedented (aka shitty) year.

Well, enough of about that. Or maybe it’s all interconnected. It’s been almost seven months of social distancing and all its related protocols, and I starting to feel the doldrums of it all. I’m not depressed, but I find it very hard to focus on the future, especially since we don’t have any idea of what the future might hold. I suppose you could say that about any moment in time…but so much is happening in the world and especially this county that you just don’t know what to anticipate. Life has become rather surreal.

Speaking on a superficial level, I’ve been experiencing a sense of inactivity and stagnation. I can’t believe that I’m going to write about my pretty grievances…but then again, I’m not writing a self-help book, or aiming to win a Pulitzer Prize (anyone wanna nominate me?). Of course, you know that theatre is at a standstill due to COVID-19. During the past seven months, I would have completed performing the role of Max Biaystock in THE PRODUCERS, directed a production of THE BOYS IN THE BAND, and I would have been rehearsing the role of Richard Nixon (wow!) in FROST/NIXON. THE PRODUCERS will probably resume, after going back into rehearsal….but the other two projects, alas, have pretty much evaporated. And I have some other projects that were scheduled for the 2020-2021 season, but when exactly will they happen, if ever?

Life/Fate has put the brakes on so many things, high school graduations/proms, weddings, well-earned vacations…well, it just seems that it’s really up to each of us to chart our own course, and work and plan for an unknown future. It takes a special kind of courage to get out of bed, day after day and keep yourself mentally and physically alert and attuned. This morning, I did my part.

Up early at 4:30 (why, Why, WHY?)….made the coffee, fed the dog….and threw together a huge pot of gumbo. I can actually smell it now simmering in the kitchen. The future holds 6 gallons of slow cooked, southern decadence! And once, I finish this facatcha (I love that word!) blog entry, I’ll be heading over to the new Desert Rose Playhouse to help them untangle and sort decades of wiring and cables strung throughout the facility. I’d rather be sunning myself on a beach in the Riviera, but I am grateful for the opportunity to be helpful and productive. Afterwards, I’ll take a nice shower, or maybe I’ll just throw myself in the swimming pool…sometimes I don’t shower for a few days….I mean jumping in the pool is like being in a huge chlorinated bathtub right?

Afterwards, I might have a cocktail, usually, a cosmopolitan (how retro!) and figure out dinner. What’s to figure out?? It’s going to be gumbo! I probably should limit my cocktail consumption to one or two a week…the bathroom scales have not been kind to me….i.e. the diet has hit a plateau, and I haven’t lost any weight in over three weeks. Not very happy about that….but hell, I’m living through a pandemic here! Actually, I’ve gotten down to my usual weight of 228, but I wanna drop at least 20 more pounds. Ah, Vanity, thy name is Pacas! Later tonight, I’ll memorize more of my one man show and review/learn more conversational German…both activities keep my brain agile and sharp…..and then to bed at probably 9:00.

I suppose my life is like my gumbo; it contains many ingredients…some of which are not my favorites. I really dislike onions and garlic….and who every thought of using something like slimy okra in cooking? But mixed together in the right amounts and simmered gently over a long period of time something wonderful happens. So I’m facing the doldrums with the same attitude. I might not be partial (or even like) what’s happening in the world, in the country, in my life…but I have faith that eventually it will all coalesce into something wonderful and affirming.